I don’t have a very good memory … unless it’s for food.
I can remember the sweet potato tempura roll that I ate when I was two at a random sushi place in Houston, Texas.
I can remember that when I was 3 I ate Ice cream for the first time at a parlor in Ashland, Oregon and it tasted like
a warm feeling on a sweet summer day.
I remember that when I was 4 we drove across the country
And in the mornings I would eat those waffles with the little Hilton logos in the middle and those syrup packets
that you really need two or three of for a whole waffle.
Now what I don’t remember is people
Their faces blend together like melted crayons on a canvas.
Their voices spin in a circle echoing and repeating until they all sound the same. Names flow up my throat and stick to my tongue like a venus fly trap
trapped like the words I didn’t get to say before it was too late.
I had a few people that taught me so much in the first few years of my life:
My Mom
My Dad
And April
April taught me so much about life, fun, and everything in between.
She taught me how to run on the beach free from all my problems
And how to climb a tree without being afraid to fall.
She taught me games
And fun
And how to get back up when I fell down.
She taught me so much but I never knew too much about her.
And then time ran out,
On January 25th, 2018 everything stopped.
I remember she used to love games
Which ones I couldn’t tell you but I don’t think it really mattered as long as we had fun.
I remember fearlessly climbing the loquat tree at her house
Eating the fruit at the top
And feeling like the hero of my own story when I was really living in hers.
And I remember when she came to my house in a thunderstorm to tell us to put down the wireless Wii controllers because we were
“going to get electrocuted.”
I remember when it happened
It was like waking up from a warm dream just to realize that the covers fell off you in the night and you’re cold and you have to get up.
And yet
I didn’t cry.
I just froze.
My mind worked slower like the gears my head were clogged with a warm feeling on a sweet summer day that would never come again
And I remember scrambling to remember the memories I so often forget.
So I don’t have a very good memory,
Unless it’s for things I would rather forget.
Like that day after school
Getting home to realize that my life will never be the same again.
The touch of the covers on my skin so warm and inviting piercing into my mind so cold and far away.
Like the shock of loss
Or wait… was that just a Wii controller?
And I don’t have a very good memory
So I hold on tight to the things I want to remember the most.
Write them down and sometimes…
Just take a second to know that I will always remember the lessons she taught me
Like how to run on the beach free from all my problems
To climb a tree and look around to see the world without being afraid to fall
And how to tell
My own story.